can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
