i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
