turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
