I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I want her autograph on my taint
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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