if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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