Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
