Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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