so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This beer is not sobering me up at all
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Couch. On fire.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
