You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize