I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we made out on top of his cat.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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