i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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