When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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