Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
