i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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