theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you made out with another girl for some wings
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
