Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
