Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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