Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
