I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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