Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
