I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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