The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
