I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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