I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
