i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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