Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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