I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
