if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
