just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize