this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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