just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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