Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
