This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
