I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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