It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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