i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
