You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Randomize