Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
