What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
