Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
