i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
