do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
