Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize