I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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