How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
