Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Someone shit on the floor
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
