I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize