John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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