can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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