How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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