Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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