The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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