I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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