I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize