i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
