It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize