I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
