i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
this is an emotional support booty call
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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