Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
