Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
