Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
