he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
