im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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