I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
