if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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