whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
