i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
