Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
