And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
