omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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