I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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