Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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