i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
