i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
