Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize