If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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