waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He passed out mid-signature
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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