So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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