ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
