Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You don't make any sense
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