Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
