I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
