the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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