this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
