wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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