wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
