The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
