I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
