Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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