I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
