I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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