Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize