If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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