hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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