I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
