I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
