we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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