I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
