It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
